Reasons why "Modest is Hottest"

It has recently been brought to my attention that people wear really unattractive clothing. I am not going to go into what is or isn't acceptable as far as fashion is concerned, although I look at girls my age who are wearing plaid pleated skirts with matching plaid sweater vests and wonder where on earth they found them. Why are companies making such things? Or better yet, why would a shopper my age not notice that they are the only non-senior citizen in a store and get a clue that they might not be in the appropriate department? You see these people everywhere you go--the 27-year-old in high-waisted, tapered pants or baggy button-up blouses. You are not 73-years-old!

However, I am not here to pontificate on fashion do's and don'ts. Wearing an outfit two decades too late is harmless enough. It is violations such as the wearing of outfits two sizes too small that I would like to discuss. I know that as women, we like to be skinny. We have somehow accepted the idea that the skinnier we are, the more beautiful. I don't think it's even men trying to convince us of this. I think that we create and reinforce this fallacy amongst ourselves. Women are much harsher critics than men, for the most part. Regardless of how a pair of pants looks, many are convinced that a smaller size implies that you are more attractive. I would like to emphatically disagree! There is nothing attractive about a girl who has squeezed herself into a pair of size 4 jeans that are pushing belly fat up and over the waist, forcing love-handles to bulge in the back, and most likely revealing a plummer-bum whenever they are seated. I would like to plainly state that a smaller size does not mean more attractive. I, myself, recently had the painful experience of going to GAP and trying on my regular size only to find that there was some squeezing and bulging going on. It was difficult, but I asked my ever-so-helpful dressing room clerk to go find me a bigger size. It hurt. I'm not going to lie. But I'd rather look fabulous in 6's than overly-squeezed in 4's. I am here suggesting to the world that full (properly-fitting) coverage accentuates everyone's beauty. So here are my top ten reasons why I think that "modest is hottest."

10. Love-handles
You may have them, but if your shirt goes down long enough, nobody has to see them.

9. Comfort
Why pull and tug all day in complete discomfort? Find a longer skirt, higher shirt or whatever, and spend your day thinking about things other than what might happen to be showing.

8. Self-esteem
Do you really need that kind of attention to feel good about yourself? Wouldn't it feel better to get attention because of your sparkling personality? Yeah. I think so too.

7. Plumbers are great, but...
We don't want to see your bum.

6. Motion
It's really nice to have enough give in your pants that you can sit down without ripping them.

5. Shooting Beavers
I have no idea where this phrase comes from. My mom probably got it from her mom who grew up in Heber, Utah, but it refers to an unlady-like seated position. Not so much a problem if you are wearing pants. If you are wearing a mini-skirt, there could be trouble for anyone sitting across the way...

4. Thoughts
When I was in high school I wasn't allowed to wear skirts that didn't come down to my knee. My Dad's reasoning for this was always the same: "Boys will have thoughts." I was pretty ticked off about it in high school because I have really long femurs, and skirts never came all the way to my knees. Looking back, I think my Dad might have been right after all...

3. Focus
This goes back to not having to tug and pull all day. It is statistically proven that students do better when they are wearing modest clothing. Everyone focuses better when proper coverage has been achieved.

2. Hypothermia
Sometimes it's cold outside. Sometimes it's even cold inside. Sometimes my scantilly-clad students beg me to turn up the heat because it's freezing. I look at them wearing a mini-skirt and spaghetti-straps in January and leave the thermostat where it is... Actually, I usually turn up the heat (even though they don't deserve it) because I'm usually cold despite the sweater and 3 layers of shirts I have on.

1. Tornado Drills
You never know when you're going to be involved in a tornado drill. Oh those poor girls in their mini-skirts and thongs when they have to get down with their heads to the ground and bottoms in the air. Yikes!!

Do you think "modest is hottest?" What are your least favorite infractions? Fashion advice? Please share.