Colton, we're going to pump you up

Let your minds wander back a decade or so to the good old days of SNL. Do you remember the skit where Hans and Frans told us that they were going to pump *clap* you up? Well, Hans and Frans have nothing on me and Justin. When they told us at his two week appointment that Colton was in the second percentile, we decided we'd better start working with the lad--and the results are astounding! A mere four weeks later, and he's already increased his mass by 50% and moved all the way up to the tenth percentile. Here are some of the steps in Justin and Bethany's Pump You Up Body-Building Program:

We discovered that the tomatoes in our garden really started to flourish when we added a little MiracleGro, so we started with that...

Of course, any effective workout program must include exercise. Due to his lack of coordination and inability to do anything but lie down, we decided to start him off with a weight-lifting program. Impressive that he is able to lift weights equal to his own body mass...

When you're on this kind of intense workout program, it's also essential to increase you caloric intake. Colton didn't want to waste any time and went straight for some delicious creamy butter. He made sure that there were no tans-fats. (He hates eating things that are unhealthy.)

Two measley little ounces of milk didn't seem like enough...so we bumped it up to a gallon.

And after so much hard work, a little dessert never hurt anyone...

Now he just needs to keep up the hard work!