Sometimes my roommates and I like to talk. I say sometimes because that's about how often more than two of us are there at the same time...and awake. But these nighttime chats are highly entertaining. I am reminded of one chat in particular where a new a brilliant phrase was coined: negatively attracted. This phrase may have originated in a discussion about dating (object of this repulsion will remain unnamed), but it didn't take us long to realize the utility of the phrase. There are all sorts of things to which you can be negatively attracted. To give you an idea, let me start with the top ten things to which I am negatively attracted.
10. Cooked Spinach
When I was younger, there were many vegetables which I couldn't tolerate. Now, in my advancing years, I find that I actually enjoy some of these previously loathed foods. Asparagas, once dreaded, is now a delight (thanks in part of FoodNetwork and Rachel Ray). Cooked spinach, however, I still cannot stand. It tastes like vomit to me. Sometimes I try it just to see if I still hate it, and I do.
9. Timpview High School Band
I play the flute, which means that in high school I joined the band. It seemed like the thing to do. I would like to mention right now that I was "in" the band, but not "of" the band. I think you'll all understand what I mean by that. My teacher drove me nuts. He'd always "paint us a picture" of why the band is the most important thing in the world. My answer to you, Mr. F., I am negatively attracted to you and your band.
8. Adkins Diet
When did carbs become the enemy? I remember when calories were the enemy. Then it was fat. Who knows what comes next. How so many people in this nation were convinced to eat nothing but meats, fats and dairies in order to lose weight is beyond me. Hey there captain sausage! Eat a vegetable. Sorry. I was just getting sick of seeing low-carb this and that. I mean, if you're eating at McDonald's, do you think it really matters if they leave off the bun?
7. Tapered Pants
Nobody looks good in tapered pants. All it does is make your bum look big.
6. My Trailer
So my classroom is a trailer, and it smells bad. I've got an air freshener, but it still just stinks whenever you walk in the door. Also it is about 15 feet wide and a bajillion feet long. I sometimes feel like I'm teaching in an airplane. Can't they just let me inside the building?
5. Casseroles
This entry is in honor of my roommate, the one who coined the very phrase that I am honoring here today. I actually like casseroles, but she is negatively attracted to them. In her words, "If it's in a 9 x 13 with cream of anything, it's disgusting." In my opinion, there are a lot of things that fit that description which are quite delicious, but it's really fun to say the word casserole around her and watch her fake vomit at the sound of the word.
4. Tom Cruise
I hope his career goes down in flames. I've never been the hugest fan, but I am convinced that he is crazy, and he's using his fame and fortune for evil. I think we should start an organization called "Free Katie Holmes" even though I don't really care much about her as an actress. I still don't think she should be inflicted to the madness of Tom Cruise. I'm glad Nicole got out.
3. Public Bathrooms
Yuck.
2. High-water pants
As a tall girl, I am particularly sensitive to this problem. I really don't understand why clothing companies didn't figure out sooner how many women out there are above 5'2". A 31" inseam is just not going to cut it. All through junior high, my pants were too short. This is not because I was growing or unaware of the problem. It is because I just couldn't find pants long enough. I'm sure you can imagine the kind of insecurity this caused. Glory be that the internet was invented (thanks Al Gore) with their extra-long pant selection. However, I am still slightly baffled about why companies like Gap make extra-long jeans but not extra-long cords or trousers. If tall people don't want their jeans to be floods, why would we want our dress pants to be?
1. My couches
I have been told that they really aren't that bad. I don't believe it! When I sit on the plaid one, I can smell it. That spells negative attraction in my world.
So what are you negatively attracted to? All those of you who are reading (and I know you're out there) and not commenting, now is the time! I know there are many things you are negatively attracted to, so please share!
20 comments:
I will have to agree with some of our negative attractedness: spinach. The only way that tastes good is when you cook it with ham in it or some chunk of fat (thank you southeastern U.S. for that great example).
There is a website called freekatie.net. There is also one called freekatie.com. I think we are all a little concerned about Mr. Cruise and Mrs. Cruise. But, I'm not going to lie. Mission Impossible III is going to be RAD.
"object of this repulsion will remain unnamed"?
No, do tell.
Maybe I am just weird because the term "negatively attracted" was not all that astounding. Positive electrons attract negative ones or whatever.
Death to Tom Cruise! OH, just his career then. He is the post boy for my anti-pretty boy campaign.
I think Tom Cruise is the coolest.
The only person I know that would admit to thinking Tom Cruise is the coolest is Billy. Still hiding under the veil of anonymity?
Tom Cruise is not the coolest. He is psycho. If you saw him on Oprah, you'd understand.
I saw that Oprah thing, and I thought it was funny. He's the coolest.
Billy, Psychotic tendencies aside, Tom Cruise still doesn't deserve all the hype he gets. He's not a bad actor, but I certainly don't consider him to be exceptional.
Mike, I can't believe after the fiasco that Mission Impossible II was you still think that III is going to be rad. I don't plan finding out. It's just my way of sticking it to the man.
And Michael, when I say "negatively attracted" I really mean repulsed by. This gives it a drastically different meaning than the concept of negative ions attracting to positive ions.
Haven't you seen the movies he's in? Everything he does is exceptional. Oprah, on the other hand, is neither cool nor exceptional. But her coolness level did rise when she decided to appear on Letterman.
I've seen some, and there are some good ones. "A Few Good Men", "Far and Away" (although his accent is super lame), "Top Gun", "Minority Report" is okay, there aren't many others that I would say are fabulous, and I don't think Tom is what makes these great movies. Replace him with anyone else, and they'd still be great, and somebody more deserving would be famous.
I don't know how you can say Oprah isn't exceptional. Even if you don't specify what she is exceptional at...you can't deny that she controls markets in the country like no-one else since Greenspan. If Oprah likes it, it's a hit. That is exceptional. And highly entertaining.
Yes, but Oprah doesn't "walk the line" like Tom does, and all those people still flock to see Tom's movies - despite his freakiness - and the movie makers are still eager for Tom; people like his acting.
I'd like to see what would happen if Oprah freaked out and acted like a psycho - who knows, maybe people would still watch just as faithfully...
Of course people would watch just as faithfully. Oprah can do no wrong in this society. And I think you are wrong in assuming that Tom's public shananigans aren't going to affect his box-office ratings. I'm not the only person out there wanting to stick it to the man.
I think if Oprah freaked she would lose her audience who all want her to be good, which is quite a chunk.
Tom's audience doesn't care if he's good, they just want to see a sweet movie, and even some want him to be bad.
Oh, and the box office could have been a lot worse to "War of the Worlds," and I'll bet MI3 doesn't suffer too much, if at all from Tom's freaky behavior. But we'll just have to wait and see. Too bad you already said you aren't going to see MI3, you're gonna miss out!
I'm not sad that I missed war of the worlds, and I'm prepared for any pain that may be caused by missing mission MI3. You are such a turkey, billy! How many times have we had the "tom cruise is not that great" "yes he is" conversation? I'm glad my blog could be a new forum for it. :)
Lots. I enjoy it too, but I guess enough's enough.
Enough's not enough until I win. Do you not remember that I am always right? My last comment was mostly aimed at getting you to confess that it really is you...and you did, so now I win. Gotcha!!!!
what really is me? Our arguments are so one sided that it gets boring sometimes, and if enough's not enough until you win, then I guess it'll never be enough.
Ouch. That one hurt, Billy.
I completely agree with your terminology "negatively attracted"! I have to second, very loudly, your negative attratction to peg legged pants. No bum should ever look like it is the top of the world's largest ice cream cone.
I am very negatively attracted to paying bills. This is a job that every legit adult must encounter, but there is such a strong repulsion from that stack of envelopes marked "payment notice enclosed". I, like many other bill payers, wait until the very possible last second to pay my bills. It must be because I like to think I have money. In reality, I am just the middle man, passing my hard earned money to every bill that comes my way.
The other thing I am negatively attracted to is marriage. Why is it that so many single people wonder why they are not married, and so many married people wonder why they are? This question comes from me, a married person with much marriage experience, again wondering why.
Yes Bethany, you know me. Freakinlucky13!
I will continue to stick up for Tom Cruise and will be writing a blog in his defense soon enough.
Being persecuted for being outspoken about a "weird" religion is something I am familiar with.
Being excited about loving someone is also I'm familiar with.
So I really feel for the guy and feel this general feeling of distaste for him in pop-media is unfair.
Just my 2 cents.
Tom Cruise is still distasteful to me, but I can accept your sentiments. I don't plan on agreeing with them any time soon.
As for marriage...those of us who are single just don't know any better. Actually, I just don't think being single is a natural state. Everything inside seems to suggest that being with someone is better than being alone. It just stinks if you end up being with someone who makes crappy choices. Are you ready to move to Virginia yet? I'm recruiting! :)
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